I guess I still feel guilty over... all the things I've failed to do.
[ Annie sniffles, feeling a wave of emotions hitting her. Everyone is always saving her it feels like. Altair has even saved her even though shew has returned the favor.
It has to be like....? Annie rakes her brain before the lessons Slade had tried teaching her settle back in. Think, Dyer. Why does she feel this way? It's not her depression.
Ah, trauma response. ]
A lot of awful stuff has happened to me. Sometimes I blame myself for not being enough to handle it myself. My... birthday kind of started it all. The day after my big party Katie went missing. It was held on the first since it was a Friday, no one realized she was totally gone until Monday even though I got a little worried.
I guess now my birthday makes me a little sad. How can I celebrate when the people I loved so much started getting slaughtered by a madman?
I still want to go to that party. I won't be the focus, and I think I could use a drink after all this mental naval gazing stuff. Maybe it'll help me forget a little.
[Altair stiffened when he heard Annie sniffle. He was remined of the time he made her cry at the auction and he didn't want to her like that again. He was about to apologize for lashing out at her when Annie's words stopped him. There were times he wished they weren't so similar. It was easier to deny his demons when they weren't echoed back at him. But maybe he should start trying to deal with them instead of burying everything? He ran his hand through his hair with a heavy sigh as he tried to organize his thoughts.]
We can't change the past...no matter how much we want to. Worrying about what we might have done differently won't change anything so the best we can do is learn from our mistakes and try to do better next time.
[That was easier said than done. His tail flicked to the side as he pushed that pesky thought aside and continued.]
And your friends deaths were not your fault. There was no way you could have known so please don't tear yourself apart over it. Your friends wouldn't want that. The blame should be solely on the bastard that murdered them. You did nothing wrong.
[He almost left it at that but if Annie was being honest, he should try to be as well.]
I'm not used to people taking care of me. I've had-
[Altair corrected himself with a sad smile]
Chose to rely on myself for so long that is feels strange. Most people back home treated me terribly and I guess I just grew to accept that from everyone so it feels both nice and painful when someone tries to take care of me for once. I know that isn't fair to you or anyone else that is genuinely kind but I can't help feeling a bit bitter and maybe also a bit...guilty.
[He had lost a lot of people that were precious to him and they were all better people than he would ever be. Sometimes he felt like wasn't fair that he survived when they didn't. He kept this particular thought to himself. He knew how Annie felt about losing people and he didn't want to burden her with this and he quickly moved on before Annie could catch on.]
Back home death was celebrated alongside life so as a tribute to our lost home we chose to make our new birthday the same day our home was lost. It made our loss a little less painful and despite everything, we were excited about our new start on Earth and it was nice for a few months. Then our new start became a nightmare. Arrakis and Skylar were killed and it has been a fight for our right to survive ever since. It makes it hard to celebrate when our idealistic dream shattered like that.
[Altair finished with a weary sigh. Talking about everything was hard and he grasped Annie's hand for comfort and he leaned against her with a small smile.]
Drinking is still complicated but even so I definitely could use a drink after this. Just don't let me ask Mana for anything. I've had enough of her "help" lately.
[He means you Maribelle!]
You should go to that party and have fun.
[Maybe he could meet her halfway through the night? He would only be miserable for half the time and Annie would have time to enjoy herself before he might ruin it.]
He was after wealth and power. I would have given him anything he wanted before that. Heck, my Dad could have paid for his schooling with barely any thought. We're pretty loaded.
[ She had loved Dylan, she thought. Annie thinks she loves too easily sometimes. All she can see is the good in people.
Or at least that is the lie she tells herself. She likes a little bit of darkness too. It's easier now to trust people who are honest about their darkness. They seem honest in a way that allows Annie to drop her guard. ]
You prefer taking care of people. You take care of me even when I make it hard.
[ She listens to him. Him leaning against her and grasping her hand causes something in her to just give a little bit. ]
I love you... and I'll try to let you surprise me.
[ Annie giggles at his implications and shifts to rest her face against his shoulder. It's easy to do with him being so much taller. ]
Admit it. Having Maribelle tell you when I need you is useful. She's not that bad.
[If he was willing to kill when there was an easier way he suspected that whatever Annie could give him wouldn't have been enough for him. There could be another reason he chose to kill as well. Maybe he enjoyed it. That thought got a little too close to his serial killer past and Altair quickly pushed that chilling thought aside.
Annie was too quick to see the good in people and while Altair loved that about her, he was also worried it was going to get her hurt again. Now that he knew how much Dylan's betrayal hurt her he wanted to protect her and keep that from that happening again. But he was also worried that he might end being the one that hurts her. She was dating another serial killer after all. It was foolish to hope that it didn't bother her even if she didn't show it.
The sudden warmth brought by Annie's I love you chased away some of his dark thoughts and he hesitantly ran his hair through her hair with a fond smile.]
I love you too and you're worth the effort. Even if you are a gremlin on the network way too often.
[Give your poor boyfriend a break from stress on occasion.
Altair's face wrinkled into a scowl when she brought his attention back to Maribelle. He hadn't forgotten how she made him mess up his painting but he did appreciate having her around to help with Annie. He didn't want to admit it though and his answer was a bit reluctant.]
I guess she isn't bad but a normal therapy pet would have been better. Why does everything have to be twisted here?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ohmyscream) wrote2020-06-06 01:59 pm
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
cw: death, mental health introspection
[ Annie sniffles, feeling a wave of emotions hitting her. Everyone is always saving her it feels like. Altair has even saved her even though shew has returned the favor.
It has to be like....? Annie rakes her brain before the lessons Slade had tried teaching her settle back in. Think, Dyer. Why does she feel this way? It's not her depression.
Ah, trauma response. ]
A lot of awful stuff has happened to me. Sometimes I blame myself for not being enough to handle it myself. My... birthday kind of started it all. The day after my big party Katie went missing. It was held on the first since it was a Friday, no one realized she was totally gone until Monday even though I got a little worried.
I guess now my birthday makes me a little sad. How can I celebrate when the people I loved so much started getting slaughtered by a madman?
I still want to go to that party. I won't be the focus, and I think I could use a drink after all this mental naval gazing stuff. Maybe it'll help me forget a little.
(cw: death, survivors guilt)
We can't change the past...no matter how much we want to. Worrying about what we might have done differently won't change anything so the best we can do is learn from our mistakes and try to do better next time.
[That was easier said than done. His tail flicked to the side as he pushed that pesky thought aside and continued.]
And your friends deaths were not your fault. There was no way you could have known so please don't tear yourself apart over it. Your friends wouldn't want that. The blame should be solely on the bastard that murdered them. You did nothing wrong.
[He almost left it at that but if Annie was being honest, he should try to be as well.]
I'm not used to people taking care of me. I've had-
[Altair corrected himself with a sad smile]
Chose to rely on myself for so long that is feels strange. Most people back home treated me terribly and I guess I just grew to accept that from everyone so it feels both nice and painful when someone tries to take care of me for once. I know that isn't fair to you or anyone else that is genuinely kind but I can't help feeling a bit bitter and maybe also a bit...guilty.
[He had lost a lot of people that were precious to him and they were all better people than he would ever be. Sometimes he felt like wasn't fair that he survived when they didn't. He kept this particular thought to himself. He knew how Annie felt about losing people and he didn't want to burden her with this and he quickly moved on before Annie could catch on.]
Back home death was celebrated alongside life so as a tribute to our lost home we chose to make our new birthday the same day our home was lost. It made our loss a little less painful and despite everything, we were excited about our new start on Earth and it was nice for a few months. Then our new start became a nightmare. Arrakis and Skylar were killed and it has been a fight for our right to survive ever since. It makes it hard to celebrate when our idealistic dream shattered like that.
[Altair finished with a weary sigh. Talking about everything was hard and he grasped Annie's hand for comfort and he leaned against her with a small smile.]
Drinking is still complicated but even so I definitely could use a drink after this. Just don't let me ask Mana for anything. I've had enough of her "help" lately.
[He means you Maribelle!]
You should go to that party and have fun.
[Maybe he could meet her halfway through the night? He would only be miserable for half the time and Annie would have time to enjoy herself before he might ruin it.]
no subject
[ She had loved Dylan, she thought. Annie thinks she loves too easily sometimes. All she can see is the good in people.
Or at least that is the lie she tells herself. She likes a little bit of darkness too. It's easier now to trust people who are honest about their darkness. They seem honest in a way that allows Annie to drop her guard. ]
You prefer taking care of people. You take care of me even when I make it hard.
[ She listens to him. Him leaning against her and grasping her hand causes something in her to just give a little bit. ]
I love you... and I'll try to let you surprise me.
[ Annie giggles at his implications and shifts to rest her face against his shoulder. It's easy to do with him being so much taller. ]
Admit it. Having Maribelle tell you when I need you is useful. She's not that bad.
no subject
[If he was willing to kill when there was an easier way he suspected that whatever Annie could give him wouldn't have been enough for him. There could be another reason he chose to kill as well. Maybe he enjoyed it. That thought got a little too close to his serial killer past and Altair quickly pushed that chilling thought aside.
Annie was too quick to see the good in people and while Altair loved that about her, he was also worried it was going to get her hurt again. Now that he knew how much Dylan's betrayal hurt her he wanted to protect her and keep that from that happening again. But he was also worried that he might end being the one that hurts her. She was dating another serial killer after all. It was foolish to hope that it didn't bother her even if she didn't show it.
The sudden warmth brought by Annie's I love you chased away some of his dark thoughts and he hesitantly ran his hair through her hair with a fond smile.]
I love you too and you're worth the effort. Even if you are a gremlin on the network way too often.
[Give your poor boyfriend a break from stress on occasion.
Altair's face wrinkled into a scowl when she brought his attention back to Maribelle. He hadn't forgotten how she made him mess up his painting but he did appreciate having her around to help with Annie. He didn't want to admit it though and his answer was a bit reluctant.]
I guess she isn't bad but a normal therapy pet would have been better. Why does everything have to be twisted here?